Is It Wise for a Protestant to Marry a Catholic?

An essay I wrote for my gender & sexuality class - April 2020

AN OBSERVATION ON RELATIONSHIPS:

IS IT WISE FOR A PROTESTANT TO MARRY A CATHOLIC?

Introduction and Thesis

Marriage is a beautiful gift from the Lord that should be celebrated. It is also a covenant that includes love, grace, and trust. That being said, a husband and wife should share the same or similar beliefs and practices when entering into a new life as “one flesh” (Eph. 5:31 CSB). This inquiry of Catholic-Protestant marriages has plagued many couples and onlookers involved. It is a vital subject that should be addressed and discussed. The answer cannot be clear cut or black and white because of the cumbersome details that tend to get lost in interpretations or perceptions. Because of this, it is wise to choose words with care in answering. It is not wise for a devoted Protestant believer to marry a devoted Catholic believer considering the fundamental differences in faith practices such as child-rearing, choosing a church home, and authority of the church.

Catholicism vs. Protestantism

When entering into this interesting discussion, it is imperative to provide clarity in definitions and expectations. There is no doubt that Catholics can be born-again believers and saved under the blood of Jesus Christ. However, there is a definite line of knowing what true salvation is or believing in some quasi-gospel that leads to damnation. Whether Catholics are saved or not comes straight from their view of salvation and who they believe Jesus Christ to be. Protestant faith and the Catholic faith are very similar. However, there are some that would not even put them under the same Christian “umbrella” because of how many differences there are. From the Transubstantiation, Purgatory, Mother Mary, to Sainthood, there are numerous points in doctrine where Protestants and Catholics diverge passionately on and scholars have spent centuries comparing them (Rtrq.), but this essay does not cover these practices in detail. The greatest concern of Catholicism surrounds all of their added man-made religious practices. It is a concern because these tend to take away from the centrality of Jesus Christ and the salvation he offered us on the cross, making it easy to miss the true gospel preached. And while these topics are important to discuss, the main objective in this essay surrounds marriage.

Defining Marriage

According to the Bible, the infallible and authoritative word of God, marriage is designed to exemplify the relationship between Jesus and the church (Ephesians 5:29-33 ESV). This union is a covenant between one man and one woman and God, promising to respect and love one another, to glorify God in all they say and do. Marriage is a beautiful thing and a gift from God so that we have the opportunity to represent the relationship between Jesus and the Church, and because “It is not good for the man to be alone,” (Genesis 2:18 CSB). This covenant was also made to be between equally yoked believers, and not between one believer and one unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV). Therefore, when choosing a life-long mate, it is absolutely imperative to know if the potential spouse is a follower of Jesus Christ, the Gospel commands it. When it comes to considering a Catholic for a spouse, a Protestant must tread with care for “some truly know Jesus and some have simply adopted church traditions,” (Ballenger). Across all denominations including Catholic, “women who are considering marriage must be sober-minded in their assessment of the spiritual maturity of their prospective husband, a maturity that will be in direct relation to a man’s commitment to God’s Word,” (Castaldo). Marriage is not a subject to be taken lightly, which is why this conversation is so important.

Complications in Catholic-Protestant Marriages

It’s imperative to preface this section by conceding to the fact all marriages struggle. A relationship is hard work, and Protestants are no strangers to difficulties within their marriage. Whether a Lutheran-Evangelical marriage or a Baptist-Non-denominational marriage, there will be mountains to climb in each. The goal in this section is to emphasize how large the mountains will be for a Catholic-Protestant couple to climb should they decide to get married.

Within the Catholic church, members are expected to follow a certain number of guidelines and procedures when getting married (especially to someone not belonging to the Catholic faith). Requirements when getting married to a non-Catholic include: having the ceremony in a Catholic church, signing a “prenuptial declaration promise” which reaffirms their faith in the Catholic church and promises to stay a member of the Catholic church for the rest of their lives, and pledging to have their children raised up in the Catholic faith (Schmitz). These procedures can become a complication when the Protestant spouse does not agree with certain Catholic practices and details in theology. This does not mean that the couple will not get along, but day to day understandings of their faith might begin to “butt heads” as time goes on.

One of the most important barriers to overcome in Catholic-Protestant marriage is raising a family within a mixed-faith home. Procreation is one of the most integral components of being married (Lawler 32), so it’s natural for a married couple to bear children. There is a growing number of children being raised in mixed-faith homes. In raising children with both a Catholic influence and a Protestant influence, parents look as though their faiths are divided and not united (as they should be), which can cause confusion in the children as to what theology or practices they should adopt. As of 2015, 1 out of 4 Millennials (b. 1981-1996) claimed they were raised in an interfaith home. Of those who were raised by one Catholic and one Protestant, 1 out of 4 now as adults are not affiliated with a religion at all (Pew 4, 20). Those raised by same-religion parents are more likely to affiliate with a religion than those who were raised in an interfaith home. This makes it a danger to decide to parent inside an interfaith marriage and puts the children at risk of being more likely to choose against faith in the future.

The next barrier comes in the form of a place of worship. Where will the family attend church? As devoted born-again believers, it is recommended and expected to be a part of a faith family. Being a church member is beneficial to a Christian’s faith because of the fellowship and growth that occurs. Ephesians chapter 4 speaks very intently on God’s creation of the church and the many different working parts included in the faith body. The church is the bride of Christ and therefore work together with Christ as the head and the believers the body. “There is something unnatural about a Christian attaching [themselves] to a body of believers and yet not choosing to be a functioning member of that body,” (Wolverton). So, this begs the question of where this devoted Catholic-Protestant family will choose to serve and function. If they choose to convert to Catholicism, the Protestant must then conform to the common religious practices of the Catholic church, and should they attend an Assemblies of God church or Baptist congregation, the Catholic would be forced to conform to very different customs than they are used to. If either party is willing to do this, then there would be a much smoother parenting process, but if both parties are completely devoted to their denomination, there arises conflict that often concludes in the family simply not attending church at all.

Another obstacle to overcome as a Catholic-Protestant married couple is looking at the authority of the church. This is probably the biggest divide between Catholicism and Protestantism. Christians are commanded to live under the authority of God. While on earth, Jesus was given all authority. God gave him that authority, and it is by grace all Christians live under and are directed by it (John 10:18 ESV). And if believers receive their direction from God the Father and God the Son, they then must bow to the power of scripture. The Bible is filled with direct words from both God and Jesus and itself says, “All Scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching, for rebuking, for correcting, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work,” (2 Timothy 3:16-17 CSB). Protestants live out their faith under authority strictly from the Bible and the Holy Spirit, which helps interpret scripture (1 Corinthians 2:13). In contrast, Catholics live by the authority of scripture and the authority of the church (or the Pope). According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, the infallibility of the Pope is “exemption from the possibility of error”, especially surrounding theological subjects (Broderick). This may cause problems within a marriage because of where each spouse puts their confidence. There have been many times throughout history where the Pope has claimed a new doctrine Protestants do not find in the Bible and therefore reject. Conflict may occur within the covenant between husband and wife should they disagree on the infallibility of the Pope’s proclamations. This roadblock can also be extended to the Bishop’s or Cardinal’s authority. A devoted Protestant would most likely see Pope Infallibility as wrong and unbiblical (Piper), while a devoted Catholic would respect the authority of the Pope and other Catholic church leaders. The tension of this subject within the interfaith household has the potential for conflict and dissension within the relationship.

Conclusion

As stated many times, this is such an important conversation to have for every interfaith couple. There are many cases when either party is willing to convert to the other’s religious practices, and that is all well and worked through. However, within a relationship between a devoted Catholic and a devoted Protestant, it would simply be unwise to continue a relationship or become married. It would be unwise considering the serious implications of raising children, choosing a church home, and recognizing the authority of the church, all of which have a great possibility of leading to dissent and dissatisfaction within the confines of a covenantal relationship.

Works Cited

Ballenger, Mark. “Should Protestant Christians and Catholics Date and Get Married?” ApplyGodsWord.com, 3 June 2018, applygodsword.com/should-protestant-christians-and-catholics-date-and-get-married/.

Broderick, Robert C. “The Catholic Encyclopedia.” The Catholic Encyclopedia, T. Nelson, 1987.

Castaldo, Chris. “Dating Across the Catholic/Protestant Divide.” The Gospel Coalition, 9 Aug. 2011, www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/dating-across-the-catholicprotestant-divide/.

CSB Bible. Holman Bible Publishers, 2018.

DeYoung, Kevin. “Something We Can All Agree On.” The Gospel Coalition, 3 Feb. 2011, www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevin-deyoung/something-we-can-all-agree-on-even-if-it-divides-us/.

ESV Single Column Journaling Bible. Crossway Books, 2011.

Lawler, Michael G., and William P. Roberts. Christian Marriage and Family: Contemporary Theological and Pastoral Perspectives. Liturgical Press, 1996.

Pew Research Center, Oct. 26, 2016, “One-in-Five U.S. Adults Were Raised in Interfaith Homes”

Piper, John. "Contrary to Roman Catholics, the Bible Is Our Sufficient Authority." Ask Pastor John, episode 956, Desiring God, 28 Oct. 2016, www.desiringgod.org/interviews/contrary-to-roman-catholics-the-bible-is-our-sufficient-authority. Accessed 17 April 2020

Rtrq. “It It Okay For A Protestant To Marry A Catholic?” Real Truth Real Quick, 4 Nov. 2016, realtruthrealquick.com/protestant-marry-catholic/.

Schmitz, Mike. “Can a Catholic Marry a Non-Catholic?” Ascension Press Media, 23 May 2018, media.ascensionpress.com/video/can-a-catholic-marry-a-non-catholic/.

Wolverton, Rachel. “Biblical Support for Church Membership.” Acts 29, 5 July 2018, www.acts29.com/biblical-support-for-church-membership/.